Indiana Jones and the Tribe of the Face Suckers

Man. I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull on Friday night. Excellent. If you liked the previous three movies, you’ll totally be into the latest installation. But you knew that. Dr. Jones rocks. And *SPOILER ALERT* Henry Jones, Jr., Jr., is pretty awesome as well, horrible bouffant aside. It was a good thing the movie was so kick-ass, because there were several factors working against me enjoying my Movie-Going Experience. Let me give you a run down:

9:00 am – Bought my tickets at movietickets.com, mainly because I am insanely paranoid that the movie will be sold out, but also because I am too cool to stand in line for tickets on a Friday Night; my time is better spent sitting at the bar enjoying a delicious beer.

5:15 pm – Learned from Julie that Sex and the City is premiering tonight, and that the bar adjacent to the theater is having some big stupid Martinis and Sluts party. We quickly decided to enjoy our pre-game beers at another establishment.

7:45 pm – Arrived at the ABC store to stock up on mini bottles of Jack Daniels.

7:47 pm – Impulse bought three mini bottles of Jagermeister.

8:01 pm – Arrived at the Main Street Brewery, where we agreed we never wanted to go to that other bar anyway.

8:24 pm – Decided to substitute a pint Smoked Porter for actual dinner.

8:30 pm – More friends arrived; a round of Smoked Porter for everyone!

9:00 pm – Paid my tab and led the advance party to the theater.

9:03 pm – Three impulsively-purchased mini bottles of Jager were consumed.

9:10 pm – Arrived at the theater; fought through the SATC crowd to the concession stand to purchase a Cherry Coke.


9:12 pm – Discreetly poured out 1/4 of said Cherry Coke, to be replaced by Jack Daniels.

9:15 pm – Settled into my seat; lights dim.

9:16 pm – Added 5 mini bottles of Jack to my Cherry Coke.

9:18 pm – Noticed Ashley and Steve making fun of some poor socially-challenged kid who was rubbing his face into the back of his chair. Told them to stop.

9:19 pm – Realized the socially-awkward teenager was actually two emo kids making out hard core. Laughed. Passed Julie my camera to take a picture.


9:27-11:27 pm – Enjoyed the movie.

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2 thoughts on “Indiana Jones and the Tribe of the Face Suckers

  1. Why are emo kids in theaters so goddamn horny? Seriously.

    But, I’m sorry, Indy was terrible. There were ALIENS in it! Come on!

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