Mad Mutha Fudrucker

I had planned on blogging about how, when I was little, I wanted to have twins (a boy and a girl) and name them “Cowa” and “Bunga” after my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ catchphrase. You’re going to have to wait for that story, because all I can think about it how someone at the Lance Cracker Factory is messing with my head.

Work sucks on Mondays (usually), so I like to bribe myself with treats thoughout the day to keep from strangling myself or others with the vines of the Boss’ philodendron. A semi-brief look at my task/treat schedule:

7:30-7:45am: Catch up on my favorite blogs (this is my reward for getting to work).

7:45-8:00am: Take care of all the odds-and-ends work I didn’t feel like doing after 4:30 on Friday of last week.

8:00am: Walk to the adjacent department to see what baked goods Susan has brought for this week. Today–some sort of chocolate cake. Try to remember to wipe the crumbs off my face.

8:05am: Answer emails, return telephone calls, pound some numbers into my adding machine, blah blah blah boring stuff.

11:20am: Walk to upstairs to get some Lance Toast Chee Crackers (no, not a typo; I’m looking at the package right now and it is really spelled this way). These are delicious cheddar cracker sandwiches with peanut butter filling. Trust me when I tell you that the blinding neon orange color of the crackers in no way reflects how good these sandwich crackers are. Plus, a package of 6 costs only 40 cents!

But wait, did I say 40 cents? Because today, to my astonishment, my Toast Chee Crackers were clearly labeled 60 cents.

I’m glad no one else was in the 2nd floor break room, because I stood there for a good 2 minutes just staring at the vending machine, wondering what had I done to deserve this. I’m still reeling. To add insult to injury, after wasting spending 60 cents on Toast Chee, I only had 40 cents remaining, which is not enough for a can of Coke. So I had to walk back downstairs and dig a couple of nickels out of my purse. I’m glad no one stopped me to ask how my day was going, because I think I would have said something along the lines of “shitty,” which is not really acceptable work place language (at least not at my current workplace; when I waited tables, if you weren’t having a shitty day at work that meant you were making lots of money, and that made everyone jealous and hate you). I came close to unloading some expletives on a co-worker who was in the break room when I took a picture of the offending Crackers. But she seemed genuinely sympathetic about the outrageous price hike, so I kept my rage in check. No reason to make an old lady cry, or showcase myself in an unflattering light. Not if it can be helped.

So there you have it. Lance Toast Chee crackers are now an astonishing 60 cents. Also, if I had twins now, I would not name them “Cowa” and “Bunga.” Although “Pea,” “Bee,” and “Jay” are still in the running if I have triplets.

3 thoughts on “Mad Mutha Fudrucker

  1. Oh we have those crackers too! I love them in all their nuclear orange glory!

    Ours are out of an Honor Snacks box, you know the kind where you just stick your money in a little cardboard slot and take whatever you want?

    Ours cost .75 though so consider yourself lucky.

  2. Your pics just crack me up. But, if they are true to life, you may want to try some bicep curls and tricep dips. Just sayin’.

    Oh, and I think the increase in the Toast Chee is probably from the vending machine guy realizing that someone with scrawny arms and triangle dresses is going through that snack like gangbusters and it’s a real opportunity to make some moola.

  3. kristen- I don’t know how well I’d fare with Honor Snacks, especially if they are charging 75 cents for my crackers. If I could reach those crackers (they are on the bottom row) through the opening at the bottom of the vending machine, I’d do it.

    dingo- It’s true; my arms are not as ripped as they could be. I do, however, try to switch up my triangle dresses with triangle shirts and pants sometimes. Just to keep it interesting. Also–you are psychic. There are now 2 rows of Toast Chee in the vending machine. Coincidence? I think we both know the answer to that.

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