I hate birds

Birds and I have never seen eye to eye. Mainly because I am seriously afraid that they will peck my eyes out. I don’t get people who keep them as pets–I prefer my companion animals a little less delicate and a lot more cuddly. Plus, you can totally trick birds into thinking it’s nighttime by putting a blanket over their cage. Ernie’s not the smartest cookie in box, but even he’s not so easily fooled. My aunts have a bird they’ve trained to poop on command, which I admit is kind of a cool trick, but I have two dogs that have trained themselves to poop in the farthest corner of the yard so I don’t have to constantly be on the lookout for doggie landmines. I think that makes dogs the winner.

I’ve taken to hiding from the mocking devil birds that live in the hedge next to my house. They’ve claimed the front porch by pooping all over the railing, and I refuse to sit out there to be dive-bombed by those relentless sons of bitches. Also I refuse to poop all over the railing. Hemo hasn’t given in to their tyrannical ways. She continues to bask in the sunshine and keep an eye on the comings and goings of the neighbors. I tried to get an action shot of the dive-bombing, but I flinched everytime and only got blurry pictures.

She even tried to encourage me to reclaim the porch, but I’m a chicken. I sat on the guest bed with Ernie and watched the mocking birds crap all over the porch from behind the safety of the window.

4 thoughts on “I hate birds

  1. Let Hemo take you under her wing, so to speak, and teach you how to deal with those birds!

    I agree, I am not much of a bird person myself. I think it’s the beady eyes.

  2. kristen – She has a filthy mouth, but she’s so cute.

    dingo – birds=creepy

    so – “…again.” It was a bitch to clean up last time.

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