- Saw an 80’s cover band
- Ate chicken wings*
- Sang 4 or 5 (I lost count) songs at karaoke in a single night**
- Watched Dane Cook’s “Viscious Circle” 2 or 3 million (I lost count) times
- Ate mini burgers*
- Had a frozen lemonade
- Ate hot dogs and bratwursts*
- Took Ernie to the beach
- Bought 2 bathing suits on sale
- Lounged at the pool
- Drank beer (with and without the aid of a beer bong)
- Played with a puppy***
- Drank rum punch
Things I did that were not so fun this weekend:
- Paid rent
- Bought a bra
- Saw a naked man at the beach****
- Took Ernie to the beach*****
*I was involved in the actual cooking of none of these food items. The extent of my participation in all meals this weekend extended only to the purchase of ingredients and the supervision of their preparation. From watching the grilling of meats with a beer in my hand to watching my sausage egg and cheese omelet scramble with a mimosa in my hand, I at no time dirtied my hands with the business of turning raw ingredients into edible meals.
**Songs for the night began with Li’l Kim & 50 cent’s “Magic Stick” and ended with “Possum Kingdom” by the Toadies. I may or may not have warmed up with 2 hours of Rock Band beforehand. I’d put my money on the former.
***Not mine. Mason The Doberman Puppy belongs to Darcie.
****On the semi-deserted side of an island in the Intracoastal Waterway, while walking Ernie and Mason The Puppy (pictures to come), I saw a man unabashedly enjoying the Labor Day sunshine au naturel. Gross is right. Even grosser? Steve egged me into looking to see if balls were visible. I did, and thankfully, they were not. My shame/revulsion is not lessened.
*****Ernie loves the beach. But he hates the water. He also hates watching me
swim drown from the shore, so he swims out to me, legs flailing, in a desperate attempt to end our lives simultaneously.
“If you’re going, I’m going too! Now hold still while I scratch and try to drown you while others watch from the safety of the dry, dry sand.”