Making friends with the Laundry Monster

The Mutha Fudruckers will be playing host to a guest for an extended period of time soon, so in the interest of hospitality, I thought I’d do a little tidying up of the lair.

Bathroom: I don’t know if I’ve even looked at the baseboards in my closet-sized bathroom since I moved in. I consider myself lucky if I can get into the shower without knocking my deoderant into the toilet. I talked to my sister as I scrubbed the shower, bathtub, toilet, sink, walls, fixtures, curtain–you name it, I bleached and/or ammonia-ed it. At the end of our 45 minute conversation, I was laughing hysterically about my niece being the smartest kid on the short bus. I think I was high.

Kitchen: Dishes cleaned? Counters wiped? Floor swept? This is usually where I stop. Not tonight. I moved and swept behind the stove and refrigerator. Speaking of the fridge, I cleaned it out. It now contains a) a box of baking soda; b) one 1/2 gallon of milk. I guess I’ll be grocery shopping in the very near future. Unfortunately the kitchen also serves as the wet bar, so my Sailor Jerry consumption reached dangerous levels. Fortunately, there were no harsh chemicals or sharp knives to negotiate. I survived.

Next on the Hit List o’ Cleanliness: The Laundry Monster.

The Laundry Monster lives in the guest room. He is generally ignored until I run out of underwear or work clothes. FYI: I’m not above wearing certain articles several times before washing (it’s amazing what a little Febreeze and a steam iron can do), so he can lay dormant for several weeks. Hemo loves the Laundry Monster; when he is finally disturbed, cat hair and dander fly from the nests and tunnels she’s constructed.

I hate doing laundry; I have to bribe myself to do it. Last night’s bribe consisted of Sailor Jerry’s and ginger ale, set to the tune of the 80’s at 8:00 and the 90’s at 9:00 (compliments of 102.7 WGNI). Between 8:00pm and 11:48pm, I had washed 4 loads of laundry, dried 3, put away 2, and called it a night with the last one still unfolded on the couch. We watched “Me, You, and Everyone We Know,” which is a pretty decent movie; I would definately recommend adding it to your Netflix queue.

Still life: Ernie with Laundry Monster (clean)

5 thoughts on “Making friends with the Laundry Monster

  1. I kinda like doing laundry on cold tv nights. Scrubbing the bathroom? No way. Never. Hate it. And I don’t drink anymore, so the bribes have changed. Ice cream, anyone?

  2. Hmmm…Sailor Jerry? I’ve never met this fine young fellow. Is he any relation to my friends Dr. Pepper and Jack Daniels? They make laundry fun.

  3. When I do laundry, I pull an entire dog worth of hair out of the lint trap. I can’t line dry my clothes any more, because I walk around looking like I’m wearing a fur coat.

    I actually don’t mind cleaning the bathroom — it satisfies the OCD in me — but the fridge cleaning thing scares the beejeezus out of me. I’d probably never eat again if I had to clean out my crisper and confront the science experiment living in the bottom of it.

  4. kate – Well, laundry sure beats a sharp stick in the eye. And count me in for ice cream. I’ll take a Butterfingers eskimo pie, please.

    dingo – Allow me to introduce the two of you. Sailor Jerry, Dingo; Dingo, please meet the most delicious spiced rum you’ve never tasted.

    so – I’m excited to be in the Sailor Jerry’s club. We should compare tattoos someday.

    frogdogz – I’m thinking about stuffing the dogs’ beds with all the dog hair I pull out of the lint trap. At least it’s clean, right?

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