Pimpslap Religion

I saw this driving home from Virginia last night. I’m not sure what else to say about it, other than it shared storefront space in a strip mall with a hair salon called Hairicanes. Across the street is a business called “Granny’s Day Care,” but I haven’t figured out if it’s Granny who is doing the babysitting, or if Granny is the one getting her diaper changed. I kind of want to know, but I kind of don’t. This block of Market Street is pretty much most of North Carolina in a nutshell. Go ‘CANES!

This weekend I was in Richmond with my aunts, sisters, and mom. Every year my Aunt Lisa’s company reserves King’s Dominion for a Family Appreciation Day, and we get together to enjoy funnel cakes, pretzels, fried oreos (don’t ask), frozen lemonade, and the awesomely short lines for the rides. I feel like I’m in that episode of Full House where they go to DisneyWorld and Michelle is named “Princess for the Day” or some crap, and they get front of the line privileges. Seriously, the day rocked. Except no Uncle Jesse. Boo.
It wasn’t until I was halfway into the 5 hour drive home that I started thinking about the names of the coasters I’d been enjoying all day. Just to throw a couple out there for you, we have:

  1. The Dominator
  2. The Anaconda
  3. The Shocker

Ok, the last one was technically the “Shock Wave,” but still, I’m sensing a pattern. I think King’s Dominion wants to violate me. But as long as they keep the fried oreos coming, I guess I’m ok with it.

10 thoughts on “Pimpslap Religion

  1. kristen – Are you sitting down? They are oreos, covered in funnel cake batter, deep fried, and then covered in powdered sugar. I was only able to eat one (they give you six) before my arteries hardened and I had a mini-stroke.

  2. Fried oreos sound awesome!

    The Anaconda, huh? Yeah, I’m thinking that King’s Dominion wants to pimpslap you a little before it gives you the ride of your life.

  3. Okay, this made me laugh my butt off. All of my kids are in NC and, yeah, you’re right. The situation with the sign pretty much says it all.

    We pass Kings Dominion often, but have not seen any of the “Pedro’s South of the Border” billboards of late. What’s with that? Used to be they started in VA on the way down 95.

    Happy wandering!

    The Writer…and her dog, Bear

  4. nilsa – Exactly. I’m going to have to bust out the FryDaddy and make some fried oreos. For my enemies. Because seriously, unless you buttered them and wrapped them in bacon, I don’t think it can get any more unhealthy.

    stoogepie – The fried oreos were like the lollipop child molesters give their victims to get them to stop crying. After the Anaconda pimpslapped me, he gave me some oreos.

    c. watson – That’s what they want you to believe. Here, have a fried oreo to ease your pain.

    dingo – I’m not sure of anything, other than I’m not going back until next year. A girl can take only so much.

    maxie – Taken alone, they’re not so bad, but as a whole–something’s going on in King’s Dominion. I’ve only scratched the surface.

    the writer – You know, I noticed that there were less “South of the Border” signs this trip. Maybe JR’s cigars/towels/china/tobacco/wrangler jeans outlet bought them all up.

  5. Holy sweet baby Jesus. Just the phrase “oreos, covered in funnel cake batter, deep fried, and then covered in powdered sugar” has taken a year off of my life.

    Also, I think they were aiming to shock you with their Anaconda, and then violate you. If this were truth in advertising, the Anaconda would actually be the size of a garter snake.

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