The one where I touch chicken guts

Internet, meet my dinner. Dinner, say hello:


As I was trolling the ghetto Food Lion yesterday for dinner ideas, I came across whole young chickens on sale. Bingo! A few potatoes and some green beans later, I had a meal plan. Unfortunately for the chicken, he had yet a few more indignities to suffer before retiring to the cleansing retreat of a 350 degree oven.

First, since I bought him at 2:30 and I was determined to eat dinner by 8:00, I quick-thawed him in some warm water until I could pry his legs apart and pull out the neck/gizzards/other disgusting organs I cannot name from his body cavity. Guts disposed of, I mounted him on an upright chicken roaster and rubbed him down with olive oil, black pepper, sea salt, and cayenne pepper, paying special attention to his underarms.

At the suggestion of a neighbor, I decided to give the beer can method of chicken roasting a shot. I opened a beer, poked some holes in the can, poured about half of it out, and sat the chicken down on the beer can. The chicken looked kind of uncomfortable.

We gave him a last drink, then retired him to the oven for 2 hours.


He was delicious.

Now, for a gratuitous picture of the boys.

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10 thoughts on “The one where I touch chicken guts

  1. Beer cans up the bum don’t hurt as much as you might think they do. All you need is a good lubricant and they go right in.

    NOT THAT I KNOW ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT.

  2. Next time you do this, drink half the beer then put some spices in the beer. Then sit the chicken on the beer can. That’s the way I do it.

  3. I think that after the olive oil massage, you touched more than chicken guts lady. You know, you have to do right by that chicken now.

  4. ben – Who knew snuff films were so delicious?

    kristen – I’m going to have to take your word on that one.

    brazenbaretoe – It’s definately a do-over. And so easy!

    dr zibbs – Thanks for the tip. I’ll defiantely be repeating this dinner.

    k8 – I know; and I photodocumented the whole thing, adding insult to injury.

    dingo – If by do right you mean carve him up and eat him, then use the remains of the carcass to make a delicious noodle soup, then I plan on doing him very right.

    so – If dignity can be maintained with a beer can up your bum, I’m sure you are just the man do it.

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