My life as a drinking game

When I was a kid, I desperately wanted a dog (shocking, no?). My parents didn’t cave until I was 13, when they bought my sisters and I the craziest Dalmatian you’ve ever met; however that is a story for another time.

For years I tried to trick them into letting me get a pet. When kittens were born (every 4 months) under the dumpster behind our elementary school, I’d bring the mewling, flea-covered kittens to my mom’s office and dare her to look into their crusty little eyes and deny them a home. Every science fair I begged my mom to let me get mice to train in a maze. Actually, if we’re being truthful here, first I asked for rats, thinking she’d never go for that and then I could maybe bargain her down to mice.

Thus began my unhealthy obsession with lab mice and rats. Reading “Flowers for Algernon” only intensified my longing; of course my little mouse would be a genius. I re-read the description of the mouse habitat built by the Grandmother in Roald Dahl’s “The Witches” and fantasized about the tunnels and mazes I’d make so my mice minions could follow me around the house, safely out of the grasp of my little sisters.

One of my favorite movies as a kid was “The Secret of NIMH.” I still have a VHS copy that I watch sometimes as I fall asleep. I popped it in to watch again last night. As I lay there, waiting for my bed to warm up and fighting the dogs for blankets, I found myself devising a drinking game to go along with the movie.

Take a drink every time Mrs. Brisby is referred to as “Mrs. Jonathan Brisby.”

Take a drink every time Jeremy the Crow sneezes.

Take a drink every time Auntie Shrew r-r-r-r-r-rolls her R’s.

Take a drink every time Cynthia says “Timmy’s sick!”

I could go on. Not only was I laying in bed making up drinking games that no one besides me would ever want to play, I started thinking about what a great blog post it would make.

Clearly I am scraping the bottom of the barrel for post ideas.

12 thoughts on “My life as a drinking game

  1. You have a drinking game for Secret of NIMH!?

    God I want to be your friend in real life.

    My good friend and I were discussing the other day about building up our teams of the most evil fictional bad guys. He called dibs on Jenner. That bastard.

  2. The Secret of NIMH was easily one of my favorite movies growing up. If I still owned a copy of it, I might make people play that same drinking game with me…

  3. You were a manipulative little girl, now weren’t you? Thinking you’d get mice if you asked for rats first.

    Very clever.

  4. so – I had a feeling you’d be down for some drunken NIMH. Jenner would be an awesome evil character to have on your side; not only does he revel in thievery and try to convince the other rats to wage war on all of humanity, he is also a woman hitter! Take that, Mrs. Jonathan Brisby!

    liebchen – I might have to play that game with the BF. And by with, I mean play it by myself while he watches me and calls me a dork.

    kate – Too bad it didn’t work. I guess my mom was too smart to be out-witted by a 7 year old.

  5. Following these rules you’d be passed out midway through the movie. NIMH is one of my favorites I might add. Right up there with Fern Gully and the Little Mermaid.

  6. oh no, lady, this is a great post because hey, it involves a DRINKING GAME! πŸ˜‰

    I used to always tell my parents I would never have a pet because I hate cleaning up after them and all that damn shedding. Now I can’t imagine my life without my bullies, their farts, their drool and all their damn shedding. ha! πŸ™‚

  7. dr. zibbs – I think ours was the stupidest of the stupid. A product of some backyard breeder, he was deaf in one ear, had epilepsy, and had a penchant for eating the tape out of the answering machine. He was very very good with us kids, though.

    brazenbaretoe – Fern Gully! “All Dogs go to Heaven” was a favorite, too.

    If you leave now, you can NEVER COME BACK!

    And that creepy alligator? Whoa…

    lump – It is amazing what we are willing to put up with for our animals. I mean, if I came home to find that my roommate had shit on the rug, there would be some serious trouble.

  8. I have never seen the Secret of NIMH. In fact, I read that part of your post and thought, “The Secret of Nickel Metal Hydride? Batteries?”

    Now I will watch it whilst I play your drinking game. It had better be drunk! I mean good!

  9. Oh god. Can I chime in and geek out about “All Dogs Go to Heaven” too?

    “It’s the Grand Chaw-hee’s birthday!” I used to say that all the time as a kid. wtf was wrong with me?

    I love Don Bluth movies.

  10. I loved Secret of NIMH! I also loved Summer of the Monkeys and begged, begged, begged my mom for a monkey. She did not believe in the miracles of monkeys. No monkeys, no miracles — and that is how I ended up hooking and shooting up.

  11. stoogpie – The Secret of Nickel Metal Hydride batteries sounds like a Discovery Channel show. I bet we could make a drinking game for that, too.

    so – The scene where all the puppies eat pizza? Always makes me drool. The pizza looks so cheesy.

    Thanks to all this nostalgia, my Netflix queue looks like my VHS collection circa 1987.

    dingo – I’m not sure if a monkey would have kept you from hooking or shooting up. They are notoriously selfish and probably would have been pimping you out for bananas and rope swings.

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