Today is a sad day. Has anyone has been holding off on presenting me with that bag full of cash so I can quit my job and spend all day knitting socks out of Harry Potter yarn and baking delicious treats for the dogs? Because today would be the perfect day to stop procrastinating and hand over that loot. Seriously. I am thisclose to punching a few people in the mouth and then hanging out in the intersection by the McDonald’s with the other homeless panhandlers. I bet I could make a couple bucks today before my tears of frustration with life in general stopped being cute and started turning ugly.
Ok, internet, I am going to go breathe into a paper bag and try not to karate-chop any of my co-workers in the throat. SERENITY NOW!
Trish gave me an award on Monday, probably before she read my depressing post about the passing of Pat Hingle in which I make fun of Mr. Rogers. Thanks Trish!
Doug at To Blog Or… because I nearly shit my pants reading about how he did shit his.
Lisa at Lemon Gloria because she is not afraid to write about how her husband voiced his fears that the cable technician would urinate on their rug during a service call.
Just a Girl because her chihuahua chewed up her butt plug and my sister’s chihuahua chewed up my very first vibrator. This means we are blog twins.
Alexa at Cleveland’s a Plum because she pierced her ear to win a scavenger hunt and didn’t even end up winning. But you are still a winner, Alexa.
and last but not least,
Dr. Zibbs at That Blue Yak because he gave me nightmares about turkey vultures and it is his birthday. Happy Birthday Dr. Zibbs!
Who would win in a fight between a unicorn and Dateline NBC’s Chris Hansen?
(Keep in mind: the unicorn is abnormally strong, has a razor-sharp horn, and can fly; Chris Hansen has the power to read minds and also has a pet phoenix whose tears can heal any wound.) Explain.
You find an old oil lamp at a pawn shop marked $20; you haggle the
proprietor down to $10 and buy it. After you bring it home and rub it (just for
shits and giggles), a genie comes out. He tells you he is the pantry genie, and
can bewitch your pantry to always be fully stocked, but only with the
ingredients for one dish. Which one dish do you tell him to stock it up with?
What are the ingredients? Can I have that lamp when you are done with it?