I should be so lucky

image credit: xkcd comics

I’m sensing a pattern. I cannot fucking win. I’m beginning to hate Scrabble, and myself. This weekend Steve spanked me again at Scrabble. I tried all day not to play, and when I lost I was very, very close to pitching a hissy fit. I was also very, very close to cheating.

“Q-U-O-N-E. QUONE. You know, when a patient gets out of hand, you have to quone’em. We need a medical dictionary!”

Granted, I am showing improvement. I only gave him 2 Triple Word Score spaces, instead of setting him up for all 8, and I only lost by about 40 points. But when did I become such a poor loser?

I was never really big into sports in elementary or high school. First out in dodge ball in 4th grade PE? Oh well, I’ll just sit over here and read “Incident at Hawk’s Hill” again.

On the rare occasion when I wasn’t riding the bench on my high school’s varsity softball team, my sister and my best friend would eat my sunflower seeds and drink my Gatorade Ice, filling it back up with cloudy water from the team’s water cooler, then laughing at me when I came back into the dugout. The three of us were also admonished by out coach for an inappropriate display of mirth on the bus ride home from a particularly bad loss. Apparently the appropriate attitude was one of despair and humiliation. We didn’t get the memo. It was Friday, and we had a date with a handle of Aristocrat vodka and a henna home tattoo kit.

I hope our Technology department isn’t monitoring my internet usage too closely today, lest they see a spike in Google searches for ‘scrabble+tips for winning’ and ‘how to lose graciously.’

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19 thoughts on “I should be so lucky

  1. Oh – henna ink? What’d you go for – the barbwire around the arm – or something more lady-like – a butterfly or a fairy?

  2. Not gonna lie, I cheat at Scrabble all the time.

    Got a pesky Q? No problem! Turn that bad boy on it’s face and you’ve got a blank canvas, baby!

  3. surviving myself – Actually we thought we’d be all cool and traditional…and henna’ed our hands. It was horrible and looked like we had filthy hands for about a week and a half.

    so – Remind me to never play Scrabble with you. I prefer Clue.

  4. And this is why we would get along so well. I suck at Scrabble. And I’m a gracious loser. I’d let you walk all over me, in the name of fun. =)

  5. And this is why we would get along so well. I suck at Scrabble. And I’m a gracious loser. I’d let you walk all over me, in the name of fun. =)

  6. Scrabble is my JAM. It’s the only place where being a word geek is acceptable. Then again, I tend to only have consonants because the game is a bloddy joke.

  7. I’ll never play scrabble my bf. I just know he’ll always win and never end with the GLOATING. Which would be ANNOYING for me.

  8. nilsa – Awesome. I could work on my ‘gracious winner’ routine while picking up some tips on losing gracefully from you.

    Win/win. Well, for me anyway.

    ben – I used to think I was good at Scrabble. Now I think I suck at life.

    marie – I’m trying to never play with mine, but he keeps pulling me back in.

  9. I haven’t played Scrabble in years. It’s because I suck at it. I only play games I know I can win. That way I avoid the whole sore loser thing.

  10. I SUCK at scrabble. I used to “read” the dictionary for hours before a game, knowing my sister would kill me in a matter of moments. It didn’t work.

  11. rs27 – I’ll keep that in mind for next time.

    dingo – I keep telling myself that I’m only going to get better by playing more. Therein lies the catch-22, because losing makes me hate the game and not want to play again ever.

    kate – I guess I won’t waste my time with the dictionary, then.

  12. Haha! Your sense of humor kills me! I cannot stand losing to my hubs but, he is an even BIGGER sore loser! It gets heated on game nights!!
    I also hope our IT guy doesn’t really pay attention to what I Google! 😉

  13. You can play scrabble against me anytime. I’m the world’s worst speller.

    I will cheat though and use a dictionary.

  14. kylie – If my work boyfriend in Technology ever checked my Google searches, I’d be fired.

    dolce – I need a dictionary because the longer I look at my letters, the more ‘BRINAB’ looks like a real word.

    lacochran – We *are* pretty lax about challenging each other…

    maxie – You’re on!

  15. My best friend loves Scrabble. She takes 20 minutes to take her turn and look up 900 words in the dictionary.

    I was very happy when I made the word “Steak.” Be honest, any word over 4 letters makes you feel accomplished.

    She looked at the word and said “Let me see your letters!”

    She decided Streak was a better word.

    One extra letter.

    She took 20 minutes to figure that out.

    Fucker.

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