I threaten my dogs with knives

I went home yesterday on my lunch break to put some scalloped potatoes in the crock pot so they’d be ready for dinner. The dogs were thrilled; I’m pretty sure they usually spend the day licking each others’ genitals.

Thanks for sharing my shame, mother.

Anytime, baby Ernie.

Even though Dexter has a bum knee and sometimes refuses to get off of the couch for a morning potty break, that little bastard is an escape artist. In his younger days he’d climb over 6 foot fences. So when the dogs are in the backyard, I keep a close eye on them. Every so often I stuck my head out of the back door.

“Is everyone still behaving?”

It wasn’t until about the 3rd or 4th time that I realized I still had my huge potato-slicing knife in hand, giving my neighbors yet another reason to doubt my sanity.

14 thoughts on “I threaten my dogs with knives

  1. that made me crack up at my desk, i can see myself doing that same thing! since we moved we don’t have a fenced in yard and haven’t gotten the collars for the invisible fence so i’m always standing out there yelling “get back over here” and shaking my fist (not that i would ever actually hit scooby)

  2. Oh wordpress is better. I say that because sometimes I can’t comment on blogspot posts from my work computer. It’s very sad.

    And I threaten to throw my dogs off the balcony all the time and I KNOW my neighbors have heard that. No one has called the po-lice yet though.

    WordPress is cooler; but now I feel stupid because I can’t make things work. It’s like when I moved from ‘medium’ to ‘hard’ on Guitar Hero and kept failing songs.

  3. marie – Oh they know. If the knife didn’t do it for them, my holey robe and Steve’s peeing in the backyard are sure to do the trick.

    dr zibbs – Yeah, screw her.

    dingo – Who has extra money laying around for luxuries like ‘anesthesia’ and ‘post-op care?’ I do my neutering at home.

    ria – Oh man, you reminded me that I also threaten to punch the dogs in the face. I’m joking, of course. I’d most likely break a knuckle. But the neighbors don’t know.

    lump – Crave not; they didn’t turn out so good. 😦

  4. Wait you slicede off your dogs genitals with a potato slicing knife while they were being licked. I think I got confused

  5. That’s hilarious. I love emphatically gesturing with kitchen utensils too. I may take my show outside to freak out the neighbors.

    BTW I just found your blog, and have been entertained for the last 20 minutes in reading past posts. I hate birds too. I’m glad someone’s finally talking about it! They’re disgusting!

  6. You know, I bet your neighbors were more scared than your dogs. Your dogs are probably thinking “oh THAT idle threat again? Knife? No biggie.”

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