I threaten my dogs with knives

I went home yesterday on my lunch break to put some scalloped potatoes in the crock pot so they’d be ready for dinner. The dogs were thrilled; I’m pretty sure they usually spend the day licking each others’ genitals.

Thanks for sharing my shame, mother.

Anytime, baby Ernie.

Even though Dexter has a bum knee and sometimes refuses to get off of the couch for a morning potty break, that little bastard is an escape artist. In his younger days he’d climb over 6 foot fences. So when the dogs are in the backyard, I keep a close eye on them. Every so often I stuck my head out of the back door.

“Is everyone still behaving?”

It wasn’t until about the 3rd or 4th time that I realized I still had my huge potato-slicing knife in hand, giving my neighbors yet another reason to doubt my sanity.

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14 thoughts on “I threaten my dogs with knives

  1. that made me crack up at my desk, i can see myself doing that same thing! since we moved we don’t have a fenced in yard and haven’t gotten the collars for the invisible fence so i’m always standing out there yelling “get back over here” and shaking my fist (not that i would ever actually hit scooby)

  2. Oh wordpress is better. I say that because sometimes I can’t comment on blogspot posts from my work computer. It’s very sad.

    And I threaten to throw my dogs off the balcony all the time and I KNOW my neighbors have heard that. No one has called the po-lice yet though.

    WordPress is cooler; but now I feel stupid because I can’t make things work. It’s like when I moved from ‘medium’ to ‘hard’ on Guitar Hero and kept failing songs.

  3. marie – Oh they know. If the knife didn’t do it for them, my holey robe and Steve’s peeing in the backyard are sure to do the trick.

    dr zibbs – Yeah, screw her.

    dingo – Who has extra money laying around for luxuries like ‘anesthesia’ and ‘post-op care?’ I do my neutering at home.

    ria – Oh man, you reminded me that I also threaten to punch the dogs in the face. I’m joking, of course. I’d most likely break a knuckle. But the neighbors don’t know.

    lump – Crave not; they didn’t turn out so good. 😦

  4. Wait you slicede off your dogs genitals with a potato slicing knife while they were being licked. I think I got confused

  5. That’s hilarious. I love emphatically gesturing with kitchen utensils too. I may take my show outside to freak out the neighbors.

    BTW I just found your blog, and have been entertained for the last 20 minutes in reading past posts. I hate birds too. I’m glad someone’s finally talking about it! They’re disgusting!

  6. You know, I bet your neighbors were more scared than your dogs. Your dogs are probably thinking “oh THAT idle threat again? Knife? No biggie.”

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