I have not died (but I think my tomato plant is on it’s way out)



Yeah, so, I’m a crap blogger. I don’t even have a good excuse, just an extreme case of writer’s block combined with some serious stage fright. Come on! Have you seen some of the blogs I read? These bitches are funny, and I’ve been having a hard time bringing the funny without falling back on the poop humor that used to kill in third grade.


Those were the days.


And now that I’ve tipped my hand, I should probably refrain from telling you about how I was blissfully passing gas in The Boss’ office as I was making copies of site plans on his big copier/scanner when I was interrupted mid-poot by said Boss. Who knows if he noticed anything (he has a problem with wicked B.O., so perhaps we cancelled each other out), and I think I played it off pretty well. But damn you FiberOne bars! Why are you so delicious? Do you think you are in some kind of gas-inducing face off with broccoli? Because hands down, you win, FiberOne bar. Happy now?

So anyway, I’m back. With gas. Tomorrow I’ll tell you about how my tomato plant is sucking ass.

16 thoughts on “I have not died (but I think my tomato plant is on it’s way out)

  1. Yaaay you’re back. Also, who the fuck do you think we are? We LOVE poo humor.

    Now don’t make me worry like that again.

    Yes, ma’am.

  2. I MISSED YOU! But, I’m so glad you’re back. And guess what? We chose the SAME WEEK to move to WordPress.! You should come check my new digs out (but don’t be intimidated, I just use pretty colors to pull your attention away from my lack of cool blog material – hahaha).

    WordPress isn’t as hand-holdey as Blogger, but I’m learning. As to your new digs…damn. Way to kick a girl when she’s down. Color me intimidated.

  3. She’s back baby!

    Although a wordpress girl now (grumble grumble), but hey, beggars can’t be choosers

    Blogger was starting to really chap my ass. Burn my biscuits. Fuck my shit up. You pick.

  4. Yay! Your back! Missed you around these bloggy parts.

    Now back to the gas. Tell us more.

    I like to fart in the shower. A lot. Too much?

  5. Damn those Fiber One bars! I, too, have a love hate relationship with them. I love how they taste and hate how they cripple me over with gas pains. Someone is playing a cruel, cruel joke on me and its NOT FUNNY.

    Welcome back darlin’

    Amen to that. FiberOne bars are the debil.

  6. Yah! Good to know you’re back. I was just saying to myself the other day. Where the fuck is she at? I chalked it up to pirates.

    Well, it was partly pirates. Not the cute ones, though.

  7. Glad to see you are back. I quite enjoy your drawings.
    Damn that writers block….I am with you.

    I’m giving writers’ block the finger. Unfortunately it’s giving it right back to me.

  8. Even though you are a so-called “crap blogger,” you get way more comments than my humble blog does. Is a category for blogs that is below even crap?

    Crap on a stick?

  9. You made my day! Let’s not make it another 10 months til we hear from you again!

    Thanks! You have no idea how nice that is to hear.

    I don’t know if that last sentence makes any sense.

  10. Wow!

    I thought you were a goner!

    So happy you’re not. No harm in poop humor.

    Thank goodness for that. I don’t know how I’d make it through the day otherwise.

  11. I’m so glad you’re back!! I don’t know why you find yourself intimidated – you are super funny. It’s why I kept clicking your link hoping beyond hope that the lady who peed with the door open hadn’t eaten you and peed you out with the door open!!

    That is a horrible mental image!

  12. Dude. I thought you were dead. I have an agreement with Green Canary that I will come look for her after 21 days of non-posting. Do we need a similar contract? I don’t like to think of my blogger friends dead.

    Now I’m seriously thinking of making someone the executor of my blog should I pass on.

    Good Lord.

    I would love to read a Gay Boyfriend blog. But I’d much rather read a Kate blog. So I guess what I’m saying is don’t die, but if you do–leave your blog to GB in your will.

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