Monday you can fall apart…


You know what sucks?  Paper cuts.  And single socks.  Also world hunger, orphans, and uncontrolled wildfires.  But today we will mainly be talking about paper cuts because I have one.  I also have several match-less socks but that doesn’t bother me too much because I really don’t have a problem wearing one sock with a blue toe and another with a purple toe.  In fact, I kind of like it.  What can I say?  I’m adorably quirky.  Oh, you want some evidence?  Try this on for size: when I was a kid I my favorite sandwiches were peanut butter and butter.

Yeah, I said butter.

I can’t imagine that I came up with that combination on my own, and given my childhood aversion to touching actual food, I’ll have to credit my mother with coming up with that bizarre pairing.  I hope she never tells tips my kids off to this abomination on Wonderbread, because then I will have no choice but to offer my children vomit between two slices of bread.  There is no way I am capable of spreading delicious peanut butter on one slice of bread and delicious butter on another, slapping them together on a plate and serving it to people I will presumably love.  Thinking about it now makes me feel kind of puke-y, although I distinctly remember thinking at the time that it was the bomb.

Of course this is the same woman who loves to tell me that my favorite baby food was liverwurst and cottage cheese, pureed in the blender.  I may have been a gifted baby, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t advanced enough to swipe the Cheerios off of my high chair tray while clearly enunciating my desire for liverwurst, banging my soft plastic spork on the tables and demanding “brain food.”  Nice try, Mom.  I maintain that my favorite baby foods were mashed bananas and zwieback biscuits, which sound normal and something I would maybe even eat today.


Paper cuts.  I have one and it hurts.

15 thoughts on “Monday you can fall apart…

  1. If I had a superhuman ability it would either be to hit every pothole on the road, or to get papercuts from almost any surface.

    My hands are constantly cringing.

    Papercuts + hangnails = story of my life. X-Men Unite!

  2. My grandfather LOVED peanut butter and butter sandwiches. He used to try to get me to eat them, but I just couldn’t. I loved my grandfather and was young enough to be duped, but I couldn’t bring myself to try it. And also? I thought my mom (and now me on occasion) was the only one who ate liverwurst. Perhaps we’re related and just don’t know it.

    Well, maybe we used to be related, because you couldn’t get me to eat liverwurst now without a pretty sweet bribe. And by pretty sweet bribe I mean my very own baby unicorn.

  3. Peanut butter and butter?! If I ate that, I’d be as big as a house…

    I know, right? Good thing I stopped around age 6.

  4. I use to like dipping pita bread in Pepsi and eating it. See? You were not the only weird kid.

    Also paper cuts suck.

    Pita bread and Pepsi? My brain has exploded. Well played.

  5. I still kind of like peanut butter and butter sandwiches. Then again, I also eat butter and sugar mixed together. Not anymore because I’m suddenly a tubby lumpkins but I used to. Nom.

    Liverwurst on the other hand? No. Under no circumstances.

    Butter and sugar mixed together…yum. I’ve totally mixed some butter, sugar, and cinnamon and spread it on some croissants. The croissants were just a vehicle for the buttery goodness.

  6. Liverwurst. Gag. I love peanut butter with just about anything, especially honey!

    Peanut butter and honey — a combination I can get behind!

  7. My husband would eat peanut butter and butter if I let him. But, I scowl. Loudly. So, he puts the butter down.

    Let him! It could be worse (see: liverwurst and cottage cheese).

  8. Why do you have to pain me with the peanut butter stories?!?! Damn you peanut butter, why did you make me allergic to your goodness?

    It could be worse. You could be allergic to swine flu.

  9. I used to eat liverwurst as a kid, but never with cottage cheese and certainly not pureed. Um, ew.

    No to the peanut butter and butter sandwich as well. I am sure, though, I had some crazy combination that I cannot think of now that I loved it. Will get back to you on that.

    So…you ate liverwurst willingly?

  10. Mmmm…peanut butter and honey, peanut butter and butter, and best of all, peanut butter and bacon! Yes, I said bacon.

    OMFG you can mix peanut butter and bacon?

  11. WHAT! I thought I was the only one that enjoyed the lovely paring of Peanut Butter and Butter.

    It’s much better when you toast the bread first and put the contents on warm they melt together in buttery goodness.

    That time in my life is over. OVER I TELL YOU!

  12. Pingback: TMI Thursday: Are you going to eat that? « Bad Mutha Fudruckers

  13. Peanut butter with unslalted butter (had to be actual slices of butter) on potatoe bread is still to this day my favorite sandwich .. my aunt came up with it when i was little mMmm now I’m craving one desperately.

    I do love me some potato bread…

  14. My husband loves peanut butter & butter sandwiches. My youngest son will eat peanut butter with anything, including bacon, lol. He even puts bacon in his ice cream, yuck! He’s 13 now so hopefully he will outgrow this soon…

    I’m putting bacon bits on my next sundae. Fuck sprinkles.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s