Adventures in nature (a short story)


Once upon a time there were some Bad Mutha Fudruckers. These Bad Mutha Fudruckers had some Awesome Friends who lived just outside of town in a house right on the waterway. Mama Mutha Fudrucker liked visiting Awesome Friends because there was always boats to be ridden on and fresh fish to be eaten. Baby Mutha Fudrucker loved visiting Awesome Friends because he got to run free and roll in dead fish and crabs. The Oldest Mutha Fudrucker loved visiting Awesome Friends because Mama Mutha Fudrucker told him to and he knew what was good for him.

One day the Bad Mutha Fudruckers were visiting Awesome Friends, either laying on the grass, enjoying a beer, or drinking sea water (as Baby Mutha Fudrucker was want to do, despite the barfing that invariably followed). Soon the Mutha Fudruckers were plagued by gnats and West Nile Virus-carrying mosquitoes.

“Bug spray! Bug spray!” cried the Mama Mutha Fudrucker. “My kingdom for a can of Bug Spray!”

Mr. Awesome Friend sprinted for the house, and came back shortly with a can, which he offered to Mama Mutha Fudrucker and Mrs. Awesome Friend. The two ladies wasted no time dousing themselves with the contents of the can, making sure to cover every inch of exposed skin, and even spraying some on their hands for careful application to their faces. Mama Mutha Fudrucker thought that the spray smelled a little off, but still familiar, and so she said nothing whilst continuing to apply the bug repellent.

Sufficiently covered, the ladies handed the can back to Mr. Awesome Friend with their thanks.

Mr. Awesome Friend looked at the can, and then back at the ladies with disgust.

“Y’all, this is RAID.”

The end.

10 thoughts on “Adventures in nature (a short story)

  1. WOW! You’re lucky you guys didn’t get sick from spraying the shit out of yourselves with Raid. I’ve used Windex to kill ants before, but I don’t think I ever used Raid as bug spray for my body!

    I think I’m ok. Only time will tell.

  2. I think it would be nice to invent some ‘People Raid’ to get rid of all of those really annoying pesty people in our lives.

    That might be murder, so if this is illegal, then I didn’t say this, my computer was hacked.

    I didn’t feel TOO BAD for the animals, until I saw the red robin. He was just bob-bob-bobbin’ along and BAM! RAID.


    I’m into people RAID. My version would include a high-powered water hose for blasting people out of my way.

    And don’t feel bad for the red robin. Their burgers suck big time.

  3. Yeah, what are you gonna do? At least it’s something that kills bugs.

    In theory, yes. But in practice, not so much.

  4. Naaaasty! Although if I run through my Off as quickly as usual, I may be tempted to reach for the Raid.

    Don’t bother. It doesn’t work, and you’ll hate yourself.

  5. Katie and Sara – people Raid is called “Bitch-B-Gone.” Someone told me about it years ago – you just spray and poof all the bitches be gone!!

    Where might a person find such a product? Does the ShamWoW guy sell it?

  6. I like how he looked at you guys with disgust after handing you the can. On a positive note, at least you can be assured no ant farms will be developing on your body anytime soon. I wish I could say the same.

    Ant farm free since 2009! My new slogan.

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