There are lot of good things about living by yourself:
- no dress code (read: pants optional)
- the box of Thin Mints you’ve been saving for 3 months is still in the freezer
- you can be pretty sure of the origin of any hair you find in the shower drain
Just to name a few.
A bad thing about living alone is that it is really hard to cook for one. Sure, leftovers for lunch rock, but how many days in a row can you seriously eat vegetable lasagna?* With every moldy block of cheese I throw out, the sound of money being flushed down the drain rings in my head. Another downside: there are no ‘surprises.’ Much like browsing your closet for a shirt you know you don’t own, searching the refrigerator for pickles you know aren’t there because you know you haven’t bought them is an exercise in disappointment. Once you eat the last string cheese, no more are going to magically appear in the ‘fridge.
Sometimes you forget about things, though. A while ago**I bought some orange juice to make sangria with. I’m not a big orange juice drinker (my fruit juice of choice being Simply Limeade), so the OJ sat forgotten in the door of my ‘fridge.
Until last night. After hoovering down a sleeve of Thin Mints after hoarding them in the freezer for 3 months, I wandered to the kitchen in search of something to quench my post-binge thirst. Standing in front of the refrigerator and brushing the minty crumbs off of my shirt, I spied the forgotten orange juice.
“I wonder if that’s still good,” I asked, pulling it out of the fridge. The vague “best if used by date”: March ’09. As we are approaching May ’09, I questioned the viability of the contents of carton. A quick sniff test revealed no obvious answers (orange juice is supposed to smell a bit sour, right?).
Fuck it, I’ll just pour some in a glass and see if any mold floats to the top.
I did, and none did, so I drank it. I’m still alive today. I might even drink some more tonight.
*answer: 3. After that, the vegetables get a bit mushy and the whole thing starts tasting like the dodgy cafeteria spaghetti you had back in middle school.
**My default is to say “a couple of weeks ago,” even if the event I’m retelling happened when I was in 7th grade. This obviously does not apply in this case; “a couple of months ago” would be more accurate.