Happy Mutha Fudruckin’ Tuesday morning, Internets!
Thanks for all the good Hemo vibes. She still hasn’t shown up, despite a late-night bout of paranoia during which I turned the house upside down to make sure she wasn’t locked in a closet or in a drawer somewhere. She wasn’t, but I did freak myself out checking out the dryer. My hand brushed against something suspiciously Hemo-like. I screamed and for a split second I imagined her, very fluffy but decidedly dead, amongst my clean laundry. For good or bad, it was just a warm, rolled up pair of socks.
Hemo Watch continues.
Which reminds me of the time a rat ran up my mom’s arm when she was grabbing clothes out of the dryer. We were living in Hawai’i and our washer/dryer hookup was in the carport. Hawai’i has kind of a big rat problem*, despite the efforts of the hard working mongoose, and the rats really like to build nests in the warm dryer vents and occasionally run up unsuspecting women’s arms at night as they attempt to change out a load of laundry.
Remember this post? Where I talked about how disgusting rats are?
Let me sum up: rats are disgusting.
So anyway, after I finished writing yesterday’s post and trying to not cry as I broke the Hemo news to my old roommate, I decided I needed a treat. An I’ve-made-it-to-4:45-without-stabbing-anyone-in-the-babymaker treat. So I got a Coke from the vending machine.
Oh dear, sweet, delicious caffeine in a can. Why haven’t more sonnets been written singing the praises of your syrupy goodness?**
I opened my eyes mid-swig and I noticed some black stuff all around the lid. All the middle-school horror stories of cockroach eggs and rat turds came flooding back to me.
Holy smokes I am drinking from what recently served as the platform for an unholy rat/roach orgy of filthiness.
But then the wise words of Kanye West came to mind, “That-that-that-that don’t kill me, can only make me stronger…” so I finished my Coke and waited for my mutant rat powers to manifest themselves. I haven’t noticed any yet but I’ll keep you posted.
* at least it did when my family lived there about 15 years ago
** Debra, get on it.