Homeward Bound: The not-so-incredible journey

Old Business:

hemo ransom

Hemo is home!  After a month and a half without the pleasure of her company, Hemo has returned to the Mutha Fudruckin’ household, none the worse for her absence, other than a slightly more pronounced independent streak.  I was just about to buy some space in the local paper declaring her legally dead at the end of 90 business days and the official end of Hemo Watch, when, by chance, Ernie and I were on our way to the house around the corner to take some passion flower clippings*, and as we turned the corner, I saw a tiny gray cat perched on a similarly-colored cinderblock wall.

“That cat looks just like–OMG HEMO!  HEMO!  WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?”

Hemo was straight chilling on a garden wall, hanging with all of her stray cat friends.  I called her name and she lazily stretched and started yelling at me.

Me: Oh my gosh, Hemo!  I’ve been so worried?  What are you doing here?  Did you want to give me a heart attack?  Couldn’t you have at least called?!?
Hemo: Dude, chill.  You are embarassing me in front of my crew.  What’s for dinner?  Tuna?  I thought I hear you say ‘tuna,’ because if you didn’t say ‘tuna’ then you can forget all about ever seeing me again.  Ever.

Abandoning my quest for invasive vines, I scooped Hemo up and carried her home.  She was literally 50 feet (50 FEET) from home the entire time.  I’m not sure if she was truly lost or just being an asshole.  I’m leaning towards asshole, but either way I’m glad she’s home.  Of course I was out of cat food, having long since used the last of it to top off the dogs’ breakfast one hectic morning when I was running low (again? shocking!) on dog food, so I hand-fed her pieces of American cheese until she promised never to run away again.

Or at least leave a note next time.

On deck for tomorrow:  New Business. 
Oh yes, and there is a lot of it.

————————————————————————–
*
Correction: I was getting passion flower clippings and Ernie was searching for the perfect bush in which to take a dump.  He would want me to make this clear.

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8 thoughts on “Homeward Bound: The not-so-incredible journey

  1. HOLY Hell. Good to see you back. I’m glad Hemo was safe.

    Me too. I just wish she wasn’t so smug about it. “I was fine the whole time. What’s the fuss?”

  2. What? I would DIE if Dax or Kiki disappeared. Does this have something to do with YOUR disappearance? WTF? Post.

    Check and double check.

  3. Hahahhahaa welcome back Hemo!

    Ps. I love how you described how you embarassed her in front of her “crew”. Hemo is a badass 🙂

    Hemo *is* a bad ass. Did I mention she is now climbing trees and (hopefully) killing birds?

  4. I imagine if one of my cats got out, we would also find it nearby. Mainly because they are too fat to wander too far.

    Feed Hemo. Often.

    Hemo used to be EXTREMELY fat. But then she started going outside. I think the stray cats gave her an eating disorder. She’s eating the same amount, but I suspect she’s purging behind the garbage bins.

  5. Woohoo!! I’ve been worried about her! As soon as I realized you were posting again, I rushed through them to get a Hemo update. I’m glad she’s back, the bitch.

    Me too! She’s still a bitch, but at least she’s home.

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