Does anyone else have Tom Petty’s “Something in the Air” stuck in their head? No? Just me then.
You know what sucks about the end of a relationship? A lot of things, I guess, but today I’m specifically talking about the awkward exchange of hostages that occurs after you’ve broken up but you are still losing sleep over the casserole dish you left at his house. Sure, it’s only a casserole dish and you could just replace it, but it was a birthday present from your mom. And it has a serving cradle!
So, you make the phone call (or in my case, an email, ’cause that’s how I roll – cowardly) to offer an exchange of prisoners. You always say that you think you may left such-and-such at their house – but you know. You have been losing sleep over that shit.
I negotiated for the casserole dish and my crock pot, and remembered at the last-minute my spare set of car keys; the last person you want to call when you’ve locked yourself out of your car is your ex.
Fortunately I had his grill to offer as an exchange. Unfortunately I also had his pajama pants that, thanks to Ernie, no longer have a crotch and therefore don’t carry much bargaining weight. Sure, they’re 98% intact, but the missing 2% is pretty crucial. I was hoping they would have been forgotten, but no. The man who couldn’t commit a 3-item grocery list to memory has not forgotten about the pajama pants that I borrowed 4 months ago.
A short list of (other) things that suck about breaking up:
a backlog of inside jokes with no one to share them with • showing up at the office Christmas party alone and having to explain why to your co-workers • telling your mom • cooking for one • having to blog about it
Feel free to add your own.