Yay birthday lunches!

7:52 – 8:07 Arrive at work.  Visit break room and acquire 2 chocolate chip cookies (breakfast).  Return to desk.

8:09 – 8:13 Check email.

8:15 Return to break room for 1 2 additional cookies.

8:16 – 8:20 Participate in a spirited discussion about whether or not a co-worker could “pull off” leggings.  Publicly declare your belief that she could, as long as said leggings were not employed as a substitute for pants.  Inwardly hope she does not attempt this fashion at work.

8:21 – 8:23 Furtively consume above mentioned cookies.

8:24 – 8:35 ???  (perhaps more cookies?)

8:35 – 11:00 Staff meeting/doodling. Fantasize about planting sunflowers.  Accidentally look at co-worker’s crotch.  Blush.

12:00 – 1:30 Co-worker’s birthday lunch.

I would like to stop here and interject a few details.  The first detail being that the very funny birthday card featuring a fortune-telling chimpanzee that I’d picked out for my co-worker did not make an appearance at this lunch, since it was still sitting on my boss’ desk awaiting his signature.  This gave me enough time to think that perhaps a chimp foretelling a year filled with either good luck or more bananas (he couldn’t be sure) is not an appropriate card for a co-worker’s 51st birthday.

I’d also like to mention that we were the only people in the restaurant, which wouldn’t have been so bad except it was a Japanese steakhouse.  So all 6 of us sat around the hibachi grill with nothing to distract us from each other’s company except our chef/entertainer.  I drank a LOT of water and clapped enthusiastically (perhaps too enthusiastically) as our chef, Terry, threw knives and constructed a volcano out of onion slices.  Because I drank a lot of water, I was in the restroom when the staff brought my co-worker her birthday sherbet*.  Luckily they stopped the regular music to play the birthday song (apparently sung by asian school children) over the restaurant-wide sound system, so I was able to follow along from my seat in the restroom.

In the interest of keeping my blood pressure at a healthy level, I won’t go into the details of the check-paying.  Suffice to say…FUCK.  Nothing says “Happy Birthday!” like arguing over how to split a check 6 ways.

2:00 – 5:00 Blissfully uneventful

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*Spell-check is telling me that this is spelled sherBET but I have always said sherBERT.  Oh the shame!

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10 thoughts on “Yay birthday lunches!

  1. I always say they should just let people go home after any sort of lunch. I mean is anyone REALLY working beyond that point?

    May I introduce you to my boss?

  2. Sherbet? What kind of birthday treat is that? And I’m glad most days that I have no co-workers.

    Have you never experienced the awesomeness that is sherbet eaten with a fortune cookie spoon? My friend, you have not LIVED!

  3. We tried the co-worker birthday lunch stuff here when we first moved to our new building. We only had one lunch and decided the pain and frustration of coordinating then paying for said lunch was enough to drive us mad. We never had another birthday lunch again.

  4. I think it is sherbert. But now that doesn’t look right. That is how I pronounce it though.

    Also? We eat cake for lunches. YUM. Sometimes, though, the birthday person wants fruit. FRUIT!! WTF is that about?

  5. I think a Japanese steakhouse was a dastardly choice. Someone intended for one of those sharp knives to fly into someone’s chest or for the office bitch to take a bite of poison pufferfish.

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