7:52 – 8:07 Arrive at work. Visit break room and acquire 2 chocolate chip cookies (breakfast). Return to desk.
8:09 – 8:13 Check email.
8:15 Return to break room for 1 2 additional cookies.
8:16 – 8:20 Participate in a spirited discussion about whether or not a co-worker could “pull off” leggings. Publicly declare your belief that she could, as long as said leggings were not employed as a substitute for pants. Inwardly hope she does not attempt this fashion at work.
8:21 – 8:23 Furtively consume above mentioned cookies.
8:24 – 8:35 ??? (perhaps more cookies?)
8:35 – 11:00 Staff meeting/doodling. Fantasize about planting sunflowers. Accidentally look at co-worker’s crotch. Blush.
12:00 – 1:30 Co-worker’s birthday lunch.
I would like to stop here and interject a few details. The first detail being that the very funny birthday card featuring a fortune-telling chimpanzee that I’d picked out for my co-worker did not make an appearance at this lunch, since it was still sitting on my boss’ desk awaiting his signature. This gave me enough time to think that perhaps a chimp foretelling a year filled with either good luck or more bananas (he couldn’t be sure) is not an appropriate card for a co-worker’s 51st birthday.
I’d also like to mention that we were the only people in the restaurant, which wouldn’t have been so bad except it was a Japanese steakhouse. So all 6 of us sat around the hibachi grill with nothing to distract us from each other’s company except our chef/entertainer. I drank a LOT of water and clapped enthusiastically (perhaps too enthusiastically) as our chef, Terry, threw knives and constructed a volcano out of onion slices. Because I drank a lot of water, I was in the restroom when the staff brought my co-worker her birthday sherbet*. Luckily they stopped the regular music to play the birthday song (apparently sung by asian school children) over the restaurant-wide sound system, so I was able to follow along from my seat in the restroom.
In the interest of keeping my blood pressure at a healthy level, I won’t go into the details of the check-paying. Suffice to say…FUCK. Nothing says “Happy Birthday!” like arguing over how to split a check 6 ways.
2:00 – 5:00 Blissfully uneventful
*Spell-check is telling me that this is spelled sherBET but I have always said sherBERT. Oh the shame!