She sees you when you’re sleeping…

Attention:  You have been robbed!

Yes, robbed.  All weekend I was busy having adventures and soaking up awesome stories to tell you about this morning.  I saw FERAL PEACOCKS!  I am not even joking about this, friends.  FERAL PEACOCKS.  Just let that sink in.  Oh, one was roosting in a pine tree, while another was prancing on the roof of an abandoned trailer (I am such a tease).

But that’s all you’re gonna get out of me today, because my (thankfully female) coworker pulled me aside after our staff meeting today to inform me that my dress was split up the seam in the back, exposing my flower print underwear and embarrassingly white thighs to whomever chanced to walk behind me.

Holy shit.

So instead of tales of FERAL PEACOCKS (including my friend Kristin, who is apparently a FERAL PEACOCK WHISPERER), I’ll leave you with this:

Imagine the creepiest, most judgmental gargoyle you can think of.  Now imagine it in your backyard.  Now imagine yourself a bit hungover.

BEHOLD!

The media has got it all wrong.  Rabid pit bulls can’t hold a candle to the menace that is Hemo.

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6 thoughts on “She sees you when you’re sleeping…

  1. I SO SO SO have had dresses do that to me. And hemo? She scaawy.

    I love that dress, too…my mom bought it for me from Kohl’s. I hope I can repair it. And yes, Hemo is a scary bitch.

  2. Peacocks shit everywhere. Don’t let those bastards near your roof. They’re disgusting. However,your mission, should you choose to accept it… pluck exactly 2 peacock feathers (preferable the largest of the plume) and mail one to me and fan yourself with the other one while drinking chocolate mint tea in your garden.

    Oh, I don’t want peacocks in MY neighborhood. I think my hatred for birds has been well documented (each egg I eat I consider a triumph of ME over THEM!). But I wouldn’t mind fanning myself with their feathers. I’ll see what I can do.

  3. I don’t know what’s scarier; the gargoyle or the view from behind the split skirt! But since we have no pictures of the skirt brouhaha, I’ll go with the gargoyle!

    Good choice. Although the view from behind is far from glorious.

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