Screw you, Monkey Plague of the Eye. I was trapped in my house with no visitors and no cable, with only the dogs for company. Hemo fled the scene when I started blaming her for my affliction, and only returned for meals. I did, however, watch some interesting movies. If you come down with Monkey Plague of the Eye, I recommend adding the following to your Netflix queue to help you survive while society shuns you:
Not something I would have ever picked, but it was recommended to me by a friend. Pretty much your typical Bruce Willis action movie. I like SJP, I think she’s beautiful, but every time I see her I think about the Family Guy episode where Peter says her face looks like a foot. I’m not sure what that means, but I can kind of see it.
Bad Mutha Fudruckers rate it: 7 (out of 10)
Little Big Man
This is one of my favorite books, and I didn’t know there was a movie made of it until yesterday. Is it weird to say that Dustin Hoffman was kind of attractive when he was younger? Because by the end of the movie I had a crush on him. Faye Dunaway is in this movie and is supposed to be this beautiful woman, but all I see is Joan Crawford. Watch the movie, but seriously, read the book. Little Big Man is like Forrest Gump, but with Indians.
Bad Mutha Fudruckers rate it: 6
I’ve seen this movie in the “4 for $20” bin at Wal-Mart like 50 times, but I never picked it up. Mistake. This movie is way funny, and Christopher Walken as J-Man the barfly is hilarious. This movie is worth watching, if only for Jack Black’s hair-do. I want a shiny white horse named Corky, too.
Side note: I would totally buy VaPOOrize. Heck, I’d even buy a can for Steve’s neighbors.
Bad Mutha Fudruckers rate it: 7.5
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I love this movie. It makes me cry every time. I love watching the arc of Clementine and Joel’s relationship in reverse. I hate her gross hair, though. And I hate that he sleeps on a pull-out couch. Now I really want to take a train to Montauk and walk along the beach in the snow. Oh, and Elijah Wood plays yet another creepy character that you really just want to punch.
Bad Mutha Fudruckers rate it: 9
American History X
I put this in my Netflix queue at Steve’s suggestion, and it arrived just in time for my Quarantine Movie Marathon. I’ve been an Ed Norton fan ever since Death to Smoochy, and he does not disappoint in this movie. There are some pretty disturbing scenes, including the obligatory prison shower rape scene and a “curb stomping.” **shudder** Fairuza Balk, the girl with the coolest name ever (in my mind I call her Vercua Salt, but that is besides the point) sports a punk Hitler haircut.
Bad Mutha Fudruckers rate it: 8.5