Tease

I’ll fill you in on the details tomorrow, but I wanted to share some photo updates from around the house this weekend.

Brugmansias are blooming…Brugmansia bloom, close-up
Brugmansia in bloom

And I found some kittens:

Kittens

They are about 3 weeks old, and Ernie wants to taste them really badly.

Ernie inspects the new arrivals

They really need names and homes.  Let me know if you can help out on either front.

Happy Mutha Fudruckin’ Monday.


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Harry Potter sock yarn? Yes, I am serious.

Today is a sad day. Has anyone has been holding off on presenting me with that bag full of cash so I can quit my job and spend all day knitting socks out of Harry Potter yarn and baking delicious treats for the dogs? Because today would be the perfect day to stop procrastinating and hand over that loot. Seriously. I am thisclose to punching a few people in the mouth and then hanging out in the intersection by the McDonald’s with the other homeless panhandlers. I bet I could make a couple bucks today before my tears of frustration with life in general stopped being cute and started turning ugly.

Ok, internet, I am going to go breathe into a paper bag and try not to karate-chop any of my co-workers in the throat. SERENITY NOW!

Trish gave me an award on Monday, probably before she read my depressing post about the passing of Pat Hingle in which I make fun of Mr. Rogers. Thanks Trish!


So I’m going to quickly pass this along to a couple of blogs I’ve recently started reading that restore my hope that humanity is not a complete and utter pile of steaming dog diarrhea:

Doug at To Blog Or… because I nearly shit my pants reading about how he did shit his.

Lisa at Lemon Gloria because she is not afraid to write about how her husband voiced his fears that the cable technician would urinate on their rug during a service call.

Just a Girl because her chihuahua chewed up her butt plug and my sister’s chihuahua chewed up my very first vibrator. This means we are blog twins.

Alexa at Cleveland’s a Plum because she pierced her ear to win a scavenger hunt and didn’t even end up winning. But you are still a winner, Alexa.

and last but not least,

Dr. Zibbs at That Blue Yak because he gave me nightmares about turkey vultures and it is his birthday. Happy Birthday Dr. Zibbs!

Also Kate, Lump, and Ashley all took me up on my offer to interview them, so check their blogs out in a few days for their answers to such thoughtful and insightful questions as:

Who would win in a fight between a unicorn and Dateline NBC’s Chris Hansen?
(Keep in mind: the unicorn is abnormally strong, has a razor-sharp horn, and can fly; Chris Hansen has the power to read minds and also has a pet phoenix whose tears can heal any wound.) Explain.

and

You find an old oil lamp at a pawn shop marked $20; you haggle the
proprietor down to $10 and buy it. After you bring it home and rub it (just for
shits and giggles), a genie comes out. He tells you he is the pantry genie, and
can bewitch your pantry to always be fully stocked, but only with the
ingredients for one dish. Which one dish do you tell him to stock it up with?
What are the ingredients? Can I have that lamp when you are done with it?

It’s just like riding a bike, right? Right?!?

So I haven’t blogged for a while (you didn’t notice? oh well) which has created a backlog of post ideas that have leaked into my real life conversations. Prefacing a story with, “just a warning, this might be TMI,” doesn’t really work out well when you end up telling your mom how you know it’s gross but you still sit bare-assed on the toilet seat at bars because the ‘squat-and-pee’ maneuver it too difficult to pull off after a few drinks, and no one really gets crabs from public toilets anyway, right?

Also I said ‘fuck’ in front of my mom and my 5 year old niece, but thankfully my family is too shocked to really address this issue, so after I weathered the 25-30 seconds of awkward silence I was home free.

So here’s a quick recap of things that have happened to me in the past 2 weeks or so:

  • I cut off all most of my hair. I love it.

I went sledding with my niece in Michigan. Being in the snow for less than 45 minutes rocks. After that…not so much.

  • Steve got drums. 😦
  • That is all for today. Yay 2009!

    *[Updated to add]: Why did no one tell me I spelled niece wrong?

    JEI Thursday: RATS…some facts

    I was wracking my brains this morning for a good TMI post, but I decided to go with JEI (Just Enough Information) Thursday.

    I was at our county’s government office yesterday, trying to get some permits approved for new after school programs. Have I mentioned I work for my county’s school system? Of course, I end up waiting in 3 different lines to talk to 5 different people, eventually leaving with 2 additional forms that need to be filled out and approved before the county can grant itself permission to run after school care programs in buildings not only built by the county itself and run by county employees, but previously inspected by county agencies. Ah, bureaucracy, how I love you.

    Anyway, I got to leave work early and I picked up some sweet pamphlets while I was waiting in the Environmental Health Department line.

    So, without further ado, I bring you RATS…Some Facts.

    And inside…(emphasis my own)

    Click to view larger image

    1. Text: The average rat lives about one year. During this time a female rat may have seven litters, each with 6-12 young.
      Conclusion: Rats live hard and die young. Also, rats are sluts.

    2. Text: Each time a rat leaves the nest, it travels the same path. This path is called a “runway.”
      Conclusion: Tyra Banks is a rat.

    3. Text: Rats commonly live near people and are not scared by the odor of humans.
      Conclusion: Rats do not shop at Wal*Mart or use public transportation, because if they did they would be scared by the odor of humans. Unwashed humans, at least.

    4. Text: The rat most commonly found in homes in North Carolina is the Norway rat (Rattus norvegicus).
      Conclusion: We need to build a fence between the USA and Norway, to keep out illegal immigrants.

    5. Text: When food is available, rats will make themselves at home.
      Conclusion: My stepbrothers are rats.

    6. Text: Where large numbers of rats are present in a neighborhood, a community effort is needed to control the rat problem.
      Conclusion: You better make nice with your neighbors, because when the rat apocalypse occurs, you are going to need back-up.

    Sometimes good things happen

    Yesterday was much better than the day before. At least, there weren’t any cops waiting for me when I got home and the house was still locked up. Sweet.

    Also, Julie and I picked up our back-up Halloween costumes:


    We laughed at each other for about 20 minutes in Joann Fabrics.

    Anyway, the BF mentioned that I should blog sometimes about the good experiences I have with the dogs out in public. I tried to explain that it would be boring to read about how I walked the dogs and someone didn’t tell me how viscious my dogs are. However, in the interest of fairness, I’m going to give it a try. Here goes…

    • Saturday we were sitting outside at the Dock Street Oyster Bar. This place is very Dex and Ernie friendly and our waitress always brings out a bucket of water for the dogs. Two guys were sitting at the table next to us, and one of them came over to pet the dogs and mentioned that his pit bull had been hit by a car and died 2 weeks ago. He told us they were out in the country and his dog had followed a car 2 miles out to the highway and had gotten run over. We offered our condolences, and then the guy asked the dogs’ names. He was a little taken aback when we told him; his dog’s name was Dexter, too. What a coincidence.
    • Then we went to The Barbary Coast for some beers and some pool. As soon as we walked in, Dex and Ernie were fawned over by some drunk ladies at the bar. Dex made a bee-line for the treats behind the bar, and Ernie was busy giving everyone high fives. Several people commented to me how well behaved the dogs are, and that they wish they could bring their dogs out in public. Later on, a guy brought in his pit bull with the biggest head I have ever seen on a dog in my entire life. He (the dog, not the owner) and Dex had a blast sniffing butts and guarding the front door together.

    So there you have it. A completely positive post. A little bit boring, too, but I’m too busy stressing about my Halloween costume and the upcoming NaNoWriMo to come up with much more.